you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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