Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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