The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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