i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize