Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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