Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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