I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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