I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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