HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
