2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
