I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
