I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
