In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
