My room smells like vodka and shame
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
