I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
