Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The Olympian is in my bed
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