His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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