Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
