i was born a porn star she said
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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