when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
