She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
