M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
