she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize