About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
