i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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