You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
