How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need moral support for this bender
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
