I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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