No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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