Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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