We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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