did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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