Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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