I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
