Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
