Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Pants are for mortals
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize