I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
