I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
