you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
