You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
