Rock
Scissors
Fuck
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
