dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
