Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
