I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
