: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
