She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
