...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
