do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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