Midget sex pt 2 tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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