I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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