I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
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i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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