ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
