Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
