tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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