Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
