i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
