maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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