Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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