i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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