Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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