what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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