Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
