YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
