Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
