He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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