I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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