Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
