you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
