I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
