so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
