Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just pee around me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
