Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
