Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
