so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
