bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
