how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think my moral compass just broke
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
