Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
