cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we're making bets on your personal life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
